Where it all went wrong

Salam.

Hi peeps. Hope this entry finds you in the best of health and and imaan inshaAllah.

You know, there's a moment that you wish you'd forget.

This was happened last month. Each student in my class had to do a presentation. At first glance, I have no problem with that at all since I had 5 years of teaching experience. 5 years... sound convincing right? Then, came my turn, calmly I walked to the front. I was so enthusiastic. Two weeks preparation helped me to increase my positive attitude and confidence. I started with a smile.

Not even two minutes later, Prof H asked me, "what's the importance of this case to be linearly independence?". "Every mathematician should know this". He added. Silence. Everyone looked at me, waiting for an answer. I seriously don't know. That's in Linear Algebra course. I learned it during my undergraduate seven years ago. Yeah, basically I know the definition of linearly independence but I never asked WHY we need this property.

I felt a little bit upset but I kept moving with the presentation. I tried to cheer myself up. "It's okay, just one unanswered question. It's normal." I said to myself. Then several minutes later, Prof H cut my talk and said "you should tell us about bla bla bla first". "Yes, sure, but that things will be discussed later". I replied. I had something else organized in my mind. Then I talked again. bla bla bla..  and he kept asking me questions couple of times. The presentation underwent so many pauses. Again. Silence. No answers.

Practically, I just presented what was in the text book. But his questions were about something else. Allahu Robbi, *sigh.. Some student flashed a smile at me. It didn't bring any good though.  I don't feel like to present anymore. The presentation went horribly wrong. Prof H looked at me with an unpleasant face. I knew it. I just knew it.

Then there's the phenomenon of me "talking to the blackboard". No more eye contact with audience. My confidence had gone. Oh please.. oh please somebody kidnap me, kidnap me. I wish I could run away. At last, Prof H said " Ok, let me continue your part.. and you can sit down". My face felt so hot. It's so embarrassing. I just want to cry.

Then, at home, I burst into tears. I was so exhausted. I did my work. I gave the best shots. But, it turned out to be disastrous. My husband tried his best to soothe me. My two years old daughter also cried. We hugged each other. Three of us.

SubhanAllah, walHamdulilah, wa La illaha ilAllahu, waAllahu Akbar (Glory be to Allah, All Praise is for Allah, There is No God but Allah, Allah is the Greatest).

The cool part is that even it's bad, the next two days, Prof H cornered me after class and asked "So now, do you have a better understanding about the topic?". "Yes, I do". I replied.


Till then.


p/s: Check out my eyebags. huhu..

keep walking girl..