Kaitan antara mean dan variance

Timbul persoalan dari seorang rakan saya yang bertanya melalui facebook.

"Macam mana nak menerangkan perkaitan antara variance dengan mean? Yang saya tahu, nilai variance kecil menunjukkan data kita tidak jauh spreading among them, sekarang saya nak kaitkan dengan mean."

So, saya akan jawab mengikut pemahaman saya. Jika salah, harap diperbetul. Dan jika ada rakan-rakan matematik ingin menambah, sila komen di bawah ini ye.



Jawapan saya:

Variance memberi nilai seberapa jauh data kita tersebar atau terserak daripada mean. Apa kaitan antara mean dan variance? contohnya from a set of data, saya dapat variance sekian dan mean sekian. Ada hubungkait ke? kalau set data 1 kita dapat variance kecil, mean kecil. dari set data 2 variance besar, mean besar. Boleh ke kita ckp variance dan mean berkadar langsung? are you sure? tak semestinya, sometimes, variance besar, tapi mean kecil. cane nk jwb tu? So, it based on case lah. kena study case by case. Contoh relation antara mean dan variance ialah positive linear relationship. Sebenarnya terdapat researcher yang telah mengusulkan teknik untuk menentukan hubungkait antara mean dan variance (Tsung, 2006) dan banyak lagi teknik lain kot yang available. 

hmmm.. sekian saja untuk perkongsian kali ni. hehe.. terima kasih kepada yang bertanya. harap dapat membantu.

He is the boss

Hallooo girls... The winter break has started last Monday but I'm stucked in my office, typing, reading, sketching, erasing, singing (bile agak bosan), eating lunch, napping, online shopping (hehe.. ni bila dah kelabu mata baca jurnal), calculating, deriving and thinking. My Research Advisor had set certain milestones for me to complete during winter break. So, basically I don't have break. Yeah!  

So today, I gave him an email asking him to check my work.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Professor,
Please check my work on Nondimensionalization on page 14 of the attached file.
Thank you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Then, he replied.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
OK Nora, I will do it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


His answer made me smiled, feel like I'm the boss here. Haha.. (comel je jawapan dia). Btw, I don't have problem doing work during break because he pays us (all his PhD students) biweekly using his grantts. Alhamdulillah, I'm doing my own PhD research and get paid. That's why "Maka nikmat Allah yang manakah engkau dustakan."

OK, till then. 

saja nk tunjuk muka penuh bintik2, sampai x dpt bezakan mana satu tahi lalat, mana satu parut jerawat. Argh!!

Insyirah

Salam semua. kepala tgh rasa serabut sgt sebab Isnin ni ada presentation. hati pun rasa berat sbb subjek yang nak dibentangkan x minat sgt n x brp faham. periodic wavelet. sgt2 teori, x tercapai dek akal. this subject is not related to phd research at all tp i kena amik gak sbg syarat 12 kredit breath program hmm.. mcm ni lah student phd kt us. walaupun dah lulus comprehensive exam tp still kena study utk test n buat presentation. rasa mcm student undergrad pun ada. patutnye fokus utk research je kan. arghh.. xpela, jiwa mesti kental beb. cian kt suami dan anak for so many working weekends and white nights. bygkanlah, sem ni amik 9 kredit subjek n research pun kena jln jugak. pengsan! so, solusi utk mnghdpi presentation yg separuh hati ni ialah dgn baca surah insyirah byk2. " Bukankah kami telah melapangkan dadamu (Muhammad) dan kami pun telah menurunkan bebanmu darimu, yang memberatkan punggungmu, dan kami tinggikan sebutan namamu bagimu. Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan, sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan . Maka apabila engkau telah selesai dari sesuatu urusan, tetaplah bekerja keras untuk urusan yang lain, dan hanya kepada Tuhan-mulah engkau berharap".

My First Report

Salam peeps.. how are doing?

Fuh... what a great relieved. I just finished a discussion with my SV and at the same time presented my report to him. The report I told you guys in the previous post. I don't know whether he satisfied with it but he smiled all the way through the discussion. Well, one thing I sure that I'm satisfied with myself. Alhamdulillah..  Allah made it easier for me with the help of some of my friends who gave suggestions and tips. Special thanks to Kak Yanti Awang, Kak Yanti FIST, Kak Fizah, Kak Anis, and Ayen. May Allah rewards you. And I also want to share my tip with all of you. This worked for me since I was in the first year at USC. If you have a task to be completed, ask Allah to make it easier for you all the time. For example, I follow "Zikir Harian". Today is Friday and the the zikr for Friday is "Ya Allah".

"Ya Allah, permudahkanlah bagiku untuk siapkan research report ini"

Repeat this for the whole day while you are walking, cooking, sleeping etc. In sha Allah.. Allah will hear and be close to you, and the miracle will just pop out  in front of your eyes whether you noticed it or not.

And now, as expected I got lot more works to do. He asked me to add the following into the report: yield stress, reactive, transport, entire system, analysis, small and large parameters, asymptotic analysis, probability to mechanistic, spatial-temporal, nondimensionalization, and the list goes on.. WHAT?? Really? Seriously? that's require too much deep thinking and time friends. Now, I know I'm in the real business of research and I can see his expectation is quiet high. Actually, I knew this from the beginning. That's the reason I chose him as my SV. No, he chose me as his student and I agree. I can feel that this is a barakah from solat istikharah. Before that, I approached two potential supervisors but they don't really fit into my interest but  I still decide to stick with the second. Subhanallah, Allah showed me the third one in a way that we cannot expect or think. He hope that I can be a marketable mathematician like him. He always said that.

Ready or not, I must keep my head high, stay focus and follow his rythms. I'll try my best, but the result is in Allah's hand. May Allah make this PhD journey full of blessing and barakah and I wish the same for all my friends out there.

Amin Ya Rabb..

Till then.

Merangkak-rangkak! Duh...

Salam friends..

As in previous post,  I told you about tons of research papers scattered on my desk need to read. Because,.. by the end of this month, I need to submit a research report discussing about ONE paper using my own words and fill any gap by discussing every details of steps to my SV. Basically, I have 15 days to complete it, but now I feel something wrong with my work. I mean, my question is how to do that in simpler way. I realized that I didn't do it systematically. What I'm doing right now is I keep reading the related papers at the references and write some note that might be filling the gap of my understanding. To make things worse, I just copy and paste the sentence. Ouch! And now, my report consisting of various part from various authurs, and it's all messed up. This is not good. 

But, Alhamdulillah, yesterday I found this blog http://drotspss.blogspot.com/.. I think it might be helpful to me. Now, I spending some time to read that blog hoping that it will solve my problem, but I didn't finish it yet. There are so many tips and I don't know where to start. So guys, if you have knowledge about it, please please please share with me.

Jazakallahu khair. May Allah bless you. Amin Ya Rabb..

Turn your thesis into a book!

Assalammualaikum. Hi peeps, today I was overwhelmed by this email in my inbox. Just want to share with you guys, it might be benefited to you as well. Who knows..

To my close friends who just embarked their journey in PhD especially to Kak Yanti and Kak Lyn, I wish you good luck! and also those who still struggling in half way to finish PhD like me, umm... all the best ya!  I'm now in the first phase to begin my research. I was given a very simple task by my Research Advisor. "Read this paper (not these) , understand every details, and see me next week". Sound very relax and chill right. Not many papers, just one. As simple as that.

After 3 days, I still cannot figured out every details. Why the equation like that, why he use integral, why the limit is like that and so many questions arised. Then, I know I should  refer to the references at the back of the paper, printed it out and read. Some questions answered but more questions blurted out. Then, I searched more papers in the reference of the referenced paper. You know what I mean. At last, tons of papers scattered on my desk. From one single paper to one file of papers. Good! Now I know, this is the reality of research.

Allright guys, till then. Bye, bye.. stay focus and keep moving. May Allah make it easier for us. Amin Ya Rabb..

Ok, this is the email I said earlier:
___________________________________________________________________________

Dear Ms. Mohd Jamil

I hope this finds you well.  I am writing to you with regard to your work in the Department of Mathematics.

I would like to enquire as to whether you have given any thought to publishing your completed doctoral thesis as a book upon its completion? Should you be interested in such an endeavour, I would be delighted if you could spare a few minutes to consider our proposal below.

Cambridge Scholars is an independent academic publishing house, founded by former lecturers and researchers of Cambridge University, to promote knowledge and learning through the publication of high quality academic literature. While we publish across many disciplines, we have a longstanding presence in the field of Humanities & Social Sciences, and predominantly publish the research monographs and edited volumes of established academics; with over 3,000 titles currently on catalogue.

We also have a policy of dedicating 10% of our annual publication output to the work of aspiring academics, who might be taking their first steps into the world of publication. As such, we pro-actively seek out proposals from doctoral students at academic institutions across the world, with a view to potential publication; should their work prove to be of an exceptional academic standard, and should it be possible to revise and edit it to convert it from a thesis into a successful book.

We appreciate that you may still only be in the early stages of your doctorate and it may be too early to think about publishing a book based on your thesis; but this correspondence is simply to make you aware of this potential opportunity and to warmly introduce you to the services of our publishing house.

It is perhaps worth considering the benefits attributed to having a successful publication to one’s name, and what Cambridge Scholars can offer you in this regard:

1. Publishing a book is a terrific way to raise both your own profile and that of your academic work in your specialised field.

2. At Cambridge Scholars, we focus upon the publication of highly specialised academic literature which we feel deserves to be shared with a wider audience; please take a moment to review works within a similar field on our website (www.c-s-p.org).


3. Whilst the editorial process will require input from yourself, we do not charge you as an author for any part of the process.  Instead we offer a number of complimentary copies of the finished publication.

4. The copyright will remain with you, and Cambridge Scholars has no objections to you using chapters or excerpts from the thesis in academic journals or other publications, after consulting with us.

5. To ensure a high degree of quality control, every aspect of the production process is carried out internally.  This ensures a faster than normal turnaround (typically around 6 months) without compromising upon the quality of the publication.

6. We distribute and market our books through major international retailers such as Blackwell’s, Amazon, Ingram and Baker & Taylor; as well as advertising in internationally circulated publications such as The New York Review of Books and The London Review of Books. These aspects ensure your book will receive maximum exposure in the global academic market.

Thank you for taking the time to read our correspondence. If you are interested in publishing your thesis, either now or at some time in the future; please feel free to contact me to discuss the issue further and perhaps submit a proposal. If you are not interested in publishing your work however, I wish you every future success in your academic career.

With kind regards


Camilla


Camilla Harding
Commissioning Editor
Cambridge Scholars Publishing
www.c-s-p.org

Viva preparation

::::copy and paste from a post by kak Fizah Sarif in the Facebook::::

Dedicated to all friends yg sdg berjuang...insyallah..insyallah...insyallah

Salam to all future scholars: I really would like to spark with you the viva questions, we want to to share and highlight the strategies of answering viva questions?, We need feedback from those who already doing their viva and how they overcome?
Here I can put some of these questions:

...

In one sentence, what is your thesis?
What have you done that merits a PhD?
What is your original contribution to knowledge in your subject area?
What would you do differently if you could do your thesis again?
Who has had the strongest influence in the development of your subject area in theory and practice?
How long term is your contribution, given the anticipated future developments in X?
What have you learnt from your research experience?

ANSWER:

I had my viva in Oct 2005. Long time ago. I think, all those listed questions were asked, either directly or indirectly, during my viva. Let me share my personal take/suggestion on those:

→ In one sentence, what is your thesis?

My thesis is about ____________ (ISSUE); attempting to investigate ____________ (RESEARCH QUESTION) by employing _______________ (METHOD).

→ What have you done that merits a PhD?

I think the novel output/s of my research is/are mainly in terms of ________________ (choose one or a combination: METHOD/THEORY/FINDING) where __________________ (provide an ‘over-view’ description of your METHOD/THEORY/FINDING).

→ What is your original contribution to knowledge in your subject area?

The previous studies on ________________ (ISSUE) are mainly limited to ________________ (describe the main corpus of existing literature) in terms of (choose one or a combination: METHOD/THEORY/FINDING). My research has explored/found new dimensions, which are __________________ (describe yours, in relations to METHOD/THEORY/FINDING).

→ What would you do differently if you could do your thesis again?

Under the circumstances where my project had been operating the last _____ years, I believe I have done everything that is necessary based on the pre-determined scope of my research and the limitations that come with it. However, some recent studies (cite the most current literature on your ISSUE) have explored _________________________ (describe the latest METHOD/DATA/THEORY). Under these new circumstances, I would probably have ___________________ (describe what you want to do differently) instead of _______________ (describe what you did) during the ________________________ (specify the stage: framework building, data collection, analysis, interpretation, etc).

* My supervisor reminded me several times - that if I ever get asked this question - I must stay FIRM with what I had done. Sometimes the examiner may use this question to trick you into revealing the weakness of your research. But it might be also asked to test how broad your perspective is. So find a way to answer it based on a very specific context.

→ Who has had the strongest influence in the development of your subject area in theory and practice?

There is no clear consensus in literature of who is the most influential, but personally I think __________________ (state your choice) could take such credit for his/her contribution in __________________________________ (describe your justification).

OR

Based on the cumulative literatures, it is obvious that ____________________ (state the most notable scholar/s) has/have had the strongest influence in this subject area. However, for this specific sub-niche which has been the focus of my research, I think _________________ (state your choice) is the most influential because his/her work on ________________________ (describe his/her most related studies to your thesis) has established ______________________ (the most impressive element of the work).

* This kind of question normally has no WRONG or RIGHT answer. The examiners simply want to know how you position your own scholarly outlook, as a potential PhD graduate. So it is always good to be a little bit assertive – and not afraid to make a stance.

→ How long term is your contribution, given the anticipated future developments in X?

The main contribution of my thesis is related to method/framework/theory which has addressed _____________ (describe the specific issues/problems). It will remain relevant until new _________________ (describe how your contribution functions) is established, which may take _____________ (give your estimate: e.g. 5-10) years.

* This question is not so common for social sciences/humanities candidate. I guess, this is mostly for applied sciences/economics and education.

→ What have you learnt from your research experience?

I learn that PhD is a very interesting journey. There are many different options to achieve the same objective; and each one of these methods has its own scientific merit, which is neither more nor less valid than the others.

* This was actually my answer (not the exact quote – but implied this meaning) for the same question. Because throughout my viva, the two examiners were quite obsessive in suggesting many new different methods (which they thought were better than what I did).

To other friends, pls share...

First day for the three of us..

First day for the three of us.. This was actually happened last Thursday, Sept 13 2012. My husband started his new job, my daughter stayed with her babysitter after a very long time was pampered by his father at home, and I got a new office. All I can say is Alhamdulillah, all praise is due to Allah.

That the things we want to happen. It's good for my husband because he can earn more money, after being sick of staying at home for years. That's good for my daughter so that she can learn how to make friends and improve her spoken english. An office in the math department which was allocated for me is really awesome. I don't have to bring heavy books and laptop to library anymore, I can perform solah easily, plus my office is next to my Research Advisor's office. So, I have to do my work when he is around. hehe..

Another thing that I want to announce is, I passed my Comprehensive Exam. Subhanallah, even it was really hard and stressful, Allah helped me. I did bad in written part and Alhamdulillah I redeemed myself in oral part.

The oral part (something like presentation) was always been a nightmare for me since I came to US. I had a trauma when it comes to do a presentation in front of audiences. (I told you my story in a previous post). This time the audiences were consisted of 5 professors only. Scary, right? They were the ones who write the exam's questions and another one is a guest from outside of the department. So, I made sure that I know how to solve all the problems, seek help from my classmate and went to see each of the professors. I got to do this.

Actually, I had a "petua" to do well in a presentation. You should try this. It's a worth to try, nothing to lose. Recite 40 times of Surah Yasseen and make a doa to Allah so that He can make the presentation going well.

I've done it and that worked for me. I felt very close to Allah and truly belived that He will help me. On that day, I answered most of the questions confidently. Some questions were hard, but somehow Allah gave me a "ilham" to answer. Subhanallah, even the thing that I don't understand before, He gave me the knowledge and understanding on that time. It's called rizq. I explained to the professors and they looked satisfied. My oral exam was only took about one hour, they said "you're better than other student, they made to two hours." When the panel announced that I passed, there were tears in my eyes. I can assure you, that's happy tears. Alhamdulillah..




Mental note: Prepare for research group meeting. Read research papers and present them to the audience with a limited time frame.

4 TAHAP MENDIDIK ANAK IKUT SUNNAH RASULULLAH

I got this from a post in Facebook and copy it here.  (just want to keep it for my own reference).

4 tahap bagaimana mendidik anak mengikut sunnah Rasulullah s.a.w. :

PERTAMA:
Umur 1-7 tahun. Pada masa ini, Rasulullah s.a.w menyuruh kita utk memanjakan, mengasihi dan menyayangi anak dengan kasih sayang yg tidak berbatas. Biarkan anak-anak bermandikan kasih sayang pada tahap ini.

KEDUA
Umur 7-14 tahun. Pada masa ini Rasulullah s.a.w menyuruh kita ...

untuk mula menanamkan DISIPLIN kepada anak-anak dengan mengajar dan menyuruh mereka untuk mengerjakan solat. Bahkan apabila umurnya sudah sepuluh tahun, seorang ayah boleh memukul anaknya jika enggan mengerjakan solat.

Berdasarkan pakar-pakar jiwa anak, sememangnya pada umur 7-14 tahun ini masa terbaik untuk menanamkan disiplin dan pembentukan sahsiah seorang anak. Pada fasa inilah seorang ayah akan menjadikan anak itu seorang muslim atau Yahudi, Nasrani dan Majusi seperti yang dikatakan oleh Rasulullah s.a.w dalam hadisnya bahawa setiap anak yang lahir dalam keadaan suci. Maka, ayah dan ibulah yang akan mencorakkannya.

KETIGA
Umur 14-21 tahun. Pada masa ini orang tua sudah MENUKAR penanaman disiplin dengan cara yang agak KERAS kepada yang RASIONAL. Orang tua sudah semestinya mendidik anak dengan cara menjadikannya sahabat dalam berdiskusi, mengajaknya ikut dalam membincangkan masalah keluarga dan diberikan satu-satu tanggungjawab dalam hal-hal tertentu di rumah. Hal ini penting agar anak berasa dirinya punyai tanggungjawab mengambil berat hal-hal dalam keluarga.

KEEMPAT
Umur lebih 21 tahun. Pada masa ini, orang tua sudah boleh melepaskan anaknya untuk belajar menempuh hidup akan tetapi tetap melihat perkembangannya dan memberikan nasihat serta peringatan-peringatan apabila anak tersalah atau terlupa.

Dalam kehidupan kita sebagai muslim, kadang-kadang pendidikan yang diajar oleh Rasul itu tidak benar-benar diamalkan, bahkan ramai yang tidak mengamalkannya sama sekali.

Ada orang tua yang terlalu memanjakan anak sehingga umur 14 tahun dan baru mula mengajar dan menyuruhnya solat pada usia mereka 15 tahun sehingga mereka bukan sahaja enggan melakukannya malah marah kepada ibu bapanya. Jika kewajipan yg tertinggi (iaitu solat) yang telah diperintahkan Yang Maha Agung diabaikan apatah lagi dengan perintah dan suruhan orang lain termasuk ibu bapanya.

Kesimpulannya, masalah disiplin dan jenayah remaja dan pelajar muslim berkemungkinan terjadi kerana rapuhnya pendidikan iman dan cara didikan yang salah. Sebahagian ibu bapa menafikan hal ini kerana mereka tidak sedar kekerasan dan cara pendidikan yg mereka terapkan kepada anak-anak adalah secara membuta tuli tanpa melihat perkembangan umur anak-anak sehingga anak terasa dizalimi dan seterunya membesar dengan perasaan marah dan dendam kepada ibu bapa.

Count down exam

Assalammualaikum sahabat2 yang jauh di mata, dekat di hati. Kadang-kadang rindu sgt ngn korang esp geng2 fist. Rindu nk keje pun ada gak. Hari ni nak post dalam bahasa malaenglish broken, my mothertongue. Nak tulis in english lambat plak nk menaipnya dan lepas tu kena check grammar plak, masa lapang dahla x banyak mana. Ni pun nk cpt. But indeed, write in english is good exercise for you to write your thesis. Next time la.. kalau banyak masa. hehehe..  

Fuh.. fuh.. fuh.. pejam celik, pejam celik tinggal seminggu lagi nak exam. Rasa macam tak percaya, sejak bulan Mei aku start study secara berjadual, (berjadual la sgt, tp kadang2 x ikut gak sbb otak dah tepu n bosan sampai nk muntah..) Akhirnya kini tibalah hari-hari terakhir menghadapi exam yang telah mengorbankan jiwa raga dan keseronokan. hehe..  dan yang pastinya banyak giler bende kena ingat.  Preparation setakat ni okla kot, dah last2 minute ni aku study je apa yang mampu. Ada gak part yang susah giler nak faham yg aku reservekan untuk minggu terakhir ni. Tapi tak taulah sempat ke tak nak habiskan. Usaha dan tawakal je.

Ni nak cerita sikit content exam tu. Proving tu biasalah memang wajib. Kalau nak prove setakat 1 page tu ok lagi, ni 3 pages. ammak!! Apa taknya, bila prove 1 theorem tu perlu result dari theorem lain, pastu bukan boleh pakai amik je result tu, kena prove dulu. So memang macam pembuktian dalam pembuktian. Kadang-kadang kompius gak nak guna theorem mana.Memang banyak giler step die and sooo.. complicated. Tahap pecah kepala punye. Ambik kau.. haha..

Tu part proving, subjek lain plak Perturbation Methods, ni aku suka sebab byk kira-kira. Mostly in PDE and ODE. Tapi methods nya plak banyak dowh. Nak kena fikir guna method apa yang sesuai, dan stepnya juga banyak. Ishk.. kenapala kat US ni ada exam cenggini. Buat aku tensi saja!

Ada lagi satu subjek iaitu combination antara proving n applied. Aku tak berapa suka prof yang mengajar subjek ni sebab die tak sistematik. pening ngk die mengajar dalam kelas. at last, aku salin je la ape yg ditulis kat blackboard. Bila baca balik nota die, aku still tak faham gak. Cane wehh??

Aku ada gak bincang2 ngan kawan2. Tapi yelah, budak chinese n american dalam kelas tu genius. Ilmu dari mana ntah diorang belajar, tak alih2 tunjuk formula/theorem yang tak pernah aku tau. ala-ala macam cerita alien yang turun ke bumi pastu ajar orang kat bumi. bayangkan je lah beza tahap pengetahuan aku ngn diorang. Tapi takpe, aku belajar sikit2, tak dapat banyak, just ikut kemampuan aku sendiri je.

Tanda-tanda stress sudah dikesan sejak minggu lepas. Sampai demam-demam, sakit kepala, selsema dan seram sejuk. Alya n husband pun kena jangkit. Tapi alhamdulillah sekarang dah sihat walafiat. Emosi je yang tak berapa nak sihat. dup dap dup dap..  kecut perut. Sekarang ni husband yang  hantar n amik aku dari library. Walaupun biasenya aku jalan kaki, tp memandangkan bulan pose kat cni cuaca panas terik, sampai badan aku terhidrat. Lagipun untuk elak aku demam lagi. Mungkin aku tak berapa nak menikmati raya tahun ni sebab sehari lepas raya ada paper terakhir. "Last paper.. last paper" (ikut gaya Johan dalam Lawak ke der.. kalau korang tengoklah cite tu..) hihi..

Ok, kat bawah ni gambar fountain depan library. Kebetulan ada rainbow masa aku tgh tunggu papa n alya datang amik.:)

amik mama

oklah.. cau cincau my friends.. selamat mengejar score Ramadhan. Jom khatam quran, korang dah juzuk berapa?

Antara juadah iftar, syukur..

Lama menyepi

Assalammualaikum, apa khabar dan semoga Allah merahmati sekalian muslimin muslimat dan mukminin mukminat. Hmmm.. lama menyepi kan? Facebook pun jarang update, cuma letak gambar vacation je untuk tatapan ahli keluarga. Kadang-kadang teringin juga nak update Facebook tapi lepas fikir banyak kali tak jadi. Kadang-kadang dah post, tapi selang 1 minit delete semula. Kenapakah? 

Banyak sebab-sebabnya. Tak perlulah saya ceritakan kat sini kot tapi sebab utama, ialah saya fikir jika saya post, adakah ia akan merenggut amalan pahala saya. Pahala dahla tak banyak mana, jika ditoreh, lama-lama habis juga. Urm.. "macam ustazah" la pulak kan. Pernah rakan facebook saya berkata begitu pada saya. Ada juga yang cakap "macam baru dapat hidayah je". Sedih memang sedih, yela.. kita ni pun bukannya baik mana pun. Sebab tu bila nak post benda2 yg bercorak islamik pun jadi segan.

Tapi betul juga apa yang dikata tu. Saya macam baru dapat hidayah. Alhamdulillah.. macam pelik bunyinya kan? Yela, sejak duduk di US ni banyak betul yang saya belajar. Syukur syukur Ya Allah. Allah memberikan saya ilmu dari sisi-Nya di samping ilmu dunia. Moga-mogalah syukur saya bertambah setiap hari dan sentiasa ingat kepada-Nya. Kalau dikira, tak boleh dibilang berapa banyak nikmat yang diberikan pada saya. Bangun pagi, dah ada orang siapkan sarapan, balik kelas tengah hari, lunch dah siap, petang boleh berehat, main-main dengan Alya, riadah bersama family, pergi playground, dan x perlu kecoh2 nk siapkan makan malam. Nak apa lagi kan? Dapat suami yang supportive mcm ni sangat2lah membahagiakan. Alhamdulillah.

Tak lama lagi Comprehensive Exam. Sejak cuti Summer break awal bulan 5 hari tu saya dah mula buat persediaan, setiap hari ke library untuk belajar. Kawan-kawan lain merancang percutian, saya merancang jadual belajar. Kadang-kadang semangat tinggi menggunung, kadang-kadang letih, kadang-kadang bosan, kadang-kadang tak faham. Biasalah, cabaran orang menuntut ilmu.

Sistem pembelajaran di US ni lain sikit. Pelajar PhD akan menghadapi 2 jenis peperiksaan besar, iaitu Qualifying Exam dan Comprehensive Exam. Qualifying exam menentukan kita layak atau tidak menjadi pelajar PhD,  dan kalau dalam exam ni tak lepas bermakna silalah balik kampung.  Tapi kita diberi peluang untuk repeat sekali saja. Comprehensive exam pula penentu untuk kita sama ada layak untuk buat research atau tidak. Sama juga, diberi peluang kali kedua jika kali pertama gagal. 

Kalau saya gagal Comprehensive exam ni maka kebarangkalian untuk extend adalah tinggi. Tak mau.. tak mau.. Saya dah rindu nak makan buah durian, rambutan, kuih apam, karipap dan macam-macam lagi makanan Malaysia. Kalau boleh saya nak pass sekali saja dan habis PhD on time. Tak sabar nak buat research dan publish paper. Siapa yang taknak kan? Err.. siapala yang nak ulang balik study benda yang sama untuk peperiksaan kali kedua. Dahla persediaannya memakan masa selama berbulan-bulan. Ini lah peperiksaan paling sukar sepanjang hidup saya.

Kita merancang, Allah juga merancang, dan perancangan-Nya adalah sebaik-baik perancangan.

p/s: Doakan saya lulus ye! terima kasih..

Gambar terbaru semasa melawat seorang kawan di Clemson University

Sphagetti Bolognese

Bahan-bahan:
1 paket spaghetti
Minyak zaitun
Butter/mentega
1 biji bawang besar
3 ulas bawang putih
1 cawan daging cincang
1 biji carrot
1 batang seleri
1 biji tomato diblender
Sedikit cendawan
200ml susu segar
Lada putih & lada hitam
Keju

Cara-caranya:
1. Rebus air hingga mendidih dan masukkan spaghetti. Kacau-kacau seketika dan masukkkan sedikit minyak zaitun supaya ia tidak melekat-lekat. Biar hingga lembut dan toskan.
2. Untuk sos: Tumis bawang besar dan bawang putih cincang dengan menggunakan 1 sudu minyak zaitun dan 2 sudu mentega.
3. Masukkan daging cincang. Goreng hingga keperangan.
4. Masukkan sayur2 yang dipotong dadu hingga lembut.
5. Masukkan susu dan biar hingga mendidih.
6. Masukkan tomato yang diblender.
7. Masukkan garam, gula, lada putih dan lada hitam secukup rasa.
8. Masukkan keju biar mendidih dan siap!!

Student life - A Class Presentation

Yesterday, I made a class presentation. It went well, Alhamdulillah. This was a part of our final exam for Nonlinear Approximation Theory. Everybody in the class chose a topic given by the Professor and wrote ten pages report about it in LATEX and present in using BEAMER. My topic was One-Dimensional Finite Element Method. I like this class and I could say that this is the best class I've ever attended here. Why? Because the Professor is very systematic person. I like systematic teacher very much. Hard subjects become easy if the Professor is systematic in teaching and evaluating. I wish I can be like him. In Shaa Allah.. Enjoy some pictures..

Some of my classmates.

I was the first presenter.

Q&A session

Till then. Miss you all :)

Damn tired

The take home final exam is so hard. The professor said it is open ended problem and perhaps you could make a paper. hmm.. you can imagine how hard is that  right? I spent entirely one week to answer that problem but it went to nowhere. The stress is come when your heart ask you to read and search but your mental said you are tired searching for the answer. I read the lecture notes many times bit by bit and referred tons of paper/journal. I need to do this whole heartedly because the proffesor is the one who hired me as his RA. Today is the duedate but I'm not feel good about that.

"Ya Allah, keluarkan aku dari kegelapan ragu-ragu, muliakan daku dengan sinaran kefahaman, dan bukakan bagiku pintu ilmu dan hiasilah daku dengan akhlak yang baik dan kasih sayang. Amin.."

Tense

Crowded.. hoyeah..

The library was so crowded that I couldn't find a seat. The library is seven floors, it's actually really big. After walked through, at last, I got a seat at the level 1, which was in underground floor. But, when my laptop was out of battery, I can't reach the power supply since I have to overcross other student's table. So, I leaved that seat, walked again and found another one at level 3. Alhamdulillah.. I was thinking that I'll just study at home which is not easy for me since Alya will bother. Usually, it's not crowded like this. I guess it's because final exam season. Everyone is busy preparing for that. As for me, I don't have exams, but I was given take home final exam for three subjects which are more hard. Basically, you will not find the answers from books, but in your brain. It requires time, hard work, and most important, dedication. May Allah make it easier for me. Amin Ya Rabb..

,

I always recite this doa before study. It was written by Imam Masjid Skudai (J's father) when they visited to our house at Columbia.

Unexpected thing

The graded Homework #2 Applied Math was returned and discussed in class today. I got 9/10 but ironically I was not happy inside. The reason was I copied the answers from someone else. Please don't think me lazy. (OK, I'm trying to defend myself here, I guess). The professor expected that we would  finish it during last Spring break. Yeah, I did some at the beginning of the holiday. But then my study mood seemed to disappear as it was holiday season.

We went to Gatlinburg, Tennessee for four days as a reward for me passing the Quals exam. After the spring break was over, I asked my Chinese friend to discuss about the homework and she just gave me her answer script that she copied from other student. Because time was very limited, so I just made a copy by saying to myself that I'll try to understand it later.Yes.. later..

Eventually, I managed to figure out question number one only. I found that my friend's answer was wrong and then I wrote my own answer confidently, even it was not same with the solution given in the text book. Instead, my friend's answer match with the given solution. That was the only question I understood and the remaining 5 questions were completely 'copy and paste'.

At the end of the class, when everybody started to pack their things, Prof Q called me to the front. I was so nervous. Did he knew that I didn't do my work? Oh no.. dup dap dup dap. I could hear my heartbeat.

"What will you do this Summer I?", he asked. I  replied promptly. "I will attend c++ workshop." Then he said again. "Actually, I want to hire you as my RA."

Ahh.. what a great relief. Ya Allah..

Then I said, "Oh really? Allright..". He smiled and said, "Ok, let's discuss in my office. Do you have time now?". "Yeah, sure..". I replied.

He said he chose me, not D (an american student in my class) because I did well in my homework. I was the only student gave the correct answer for question number one, make him realized that the given solution in the text book was not true. Ya Allah.. If he know that the rest is not originally from me. I smiled bitterly. But I guess I can take  this credit for my hard work in the previous homework to make me feel less guilty. 

Alhamdulillah.. I will be hired as a Research Assistant for one month during Summer break and will be earned USD $2000. Can you imagine that? It is approximately RM6200, almost more than two times my salary as a lecturer in Malaysia.  If he can give me USD$2000, then how much his salary per month? USD$10k? 13K? Wow.. 

Rizq is in the hands of Allah. I should do more sadaqah jariah for all His abundant nikmat. Hopefully our life would be more blessed by Allah. 

Allahu Akbar, Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah.. Thank you Allah.

Mental note: Allah melapangkan bagi mu supaya engkau tidak selalu dalam kesempitan dan Allah menyempitkan bagi mu supaya engkau tidak hanyut dalam kelapangan, dan Allah melepaskan engkau dari keduanya, supaya engkau tidak bergantung pada sesuatu selain Allah.

Honey Roasted Chicken with Rosemary

Bahan-bahan:
1 ekor ayam
1 kiub pati ayam
2 biji ubi kentang - potong 4
1 biji carrot - potong sederhana besar
1/2 biji nenas - potong kiub besar
 1 tsp rosemary
1/2 tsp dil
3 helai daun salam (bay leaves)
2 tsp Madu
1 tsp Lada hitam/putih
Garam secukup rasa
Bawang goreng


Cara-caranya:
1. Cuci bersih ayam dan masukkan ke dalam mangkuk tahan panas.
2. Lumurkan ayam dengan kiub pati ayam, madu, garam dan lada hitam.
3. Masukkan rosemary, dil, bay leaf, kentang, dan carrot dan gaul rata.
4. Bakar dalam oven sehingga masak.
5. Taburkan bawang goreng dan siap!!

Mee Hoon Singapore

Bahan-bahan:
1 paket mee hoon
3 biji bawang merah
3 biji bawang putih
7 biji cili padi
1 genggam ikan bilis yang diblender/tumbuk
1/2 kiub pati ayam
1 tsp lada hitam/putih
1 cawan chopped vegetables

Cara-caranya:
1. Rendam mee hoon dalam air sehingga kembang.
2. Tumis bawang merah, bawang putih, garam, cili padi yang ditumbuk dan kan bilis.
3. Masukkan pati ayam, lada hitam/putih dan sayur.
4. Masukkan mee yang ditos dan tambah sedikit air.
5. Tutup kuali, biarkan sebentar sehingga mee benar2 kembang.
6. Tambah garam jika kurang masin, gaul sehingga sebati dan siap!!

Daging berlada hitam masak kicap

Bahan-bahan:
Daging
Sos lada hitam
Sos tiram
3 biji bawang merah
3 ulas bawang putih
1 inch halia
7 biji cili padi

Cara-caranya:
1. Perap daging yang dipotong dadu dengan sos lada hitam selama 30 minit.
2. Goreng daging sehingga empuk.
3. Dalam kuali yang lain, tumis bawang merah, bawang putih, halia dan cili api. Masukkan sos tiram.
4. Masukkan daging goreng tadi, tambah kicap, air dan garam.
5. Tunggu hingga mendidih dan siap!!

Kerabu taugeh

Kerabu taugeh

Bahan-bahan:
Taugeh 50 sen
3 biji bawang merah dihiris
3 ulas bawang putih dihiris
5 biji cili padi dihiris
1 tsp Belacan
4 tsp Udang kering yang ditumbuk
3 tsp Kerisik
2 tsp jus limau
Garam dan gula secukup rasa

Cara-caranya:
1. Celur taugeh dengan air panas dan toskan.
2. Campur kesemua bahan diatas dan siap!!

An evening walk

This past week has had absolutely gorgeous weather. Alhamdulillah. After class Thursday evening, all of us went out walking to the State House. The air at this time is full of peculiar scent. We feel warm, happy, peaceful and refreshed. The tired nerves seem to get a new life. The road was neat and clean. It was lined with green trees. The trees and bushes with their new tender leaves and flowers looked charming and beautiful. Subhanallah.

The State House

My husband took this opportunity to mantain his healthy and strong body. So, he jogged around the State House along the pedestrian trail to get rid of his stubborn belly fat! Often, he workouts, performs exercises, strengthen his muscles couple of times a week in the house especially during the winter season. It's cold to do it outside and nobody does that. eheh.. Me? I think 30 minutes walking to library everyday is enough to get my body need. (I hope).

He was an athlete back then. Well, believe it..

My sweet little girl has an obsession with BUBBLES. I think it's because Spongebob Squarepants. Spongebob loves to blow bubbles! He can even blow bubbles in the shape of different animals. Alya managed to blow her bubbles after failed many times. Haha.. and when the bubbles was in the air, she was exited and tried to catch it. Catch! Catch! Catch! The bubbles then pop and she grinned. ngee..

Blowing bubbles..

I just walked around and snapped pictures of this great moment. I can feel that phothography is my new hobby. ececeh..  :P and credited was given to Alya. She was such a great poser! ahaksz.. Yea.. you might noticed her hair, it was short like a boy..I can't wait for it to be longer so that I can make ponytails on her.

2 years 5 months old little angel

Ai Ai Captain!!

As the sun set down, we went back home. We went to this place zillions times since it only took 5 minutes walk from my apartment.

beautiful sunset, Masha Allah

Till then. Love you :)

Keep walking..

Bila kau letih dan hilang semangat,

Allah tahu betapa kau telah mencuba sedaya upaya...

Bila tangisanmu berpanjangan dan hatimu kedukaan,

Allah telah mengira titisan air matamu...

Bila kau rasa ketinggalan dan masa meninggalkanmu,

Allah sentiasa ada di sisimu...

Bila kau telah mencuba segalanya tapi tidak pasti arah tujuan,

Allah ada jalan penyelesaiannya...

Bila tiada lagi yang beerti buatmu, keliru dan kecewa,

Allah adalah jawapannya...

Jadi mohonlah padaNya agar dikembalikan semangat untuk mencari ilmuNya.

Sabarlah wahai diri...

moga ada sinar gemerlapan di penghujungnya...

insyaAllah Taala!

Sumber: http://halawatulfikr.blogspot.com/search/label/motivations

Spring 2012 at USC

Yeah.. sometimes we feel great, like we can take on the world, but sometimes we also feel depressed, lower energy levels, and lack of motivation to strive for personal excellence. We all want a happy life. Whoever desires peace, tranquality and comfort can find it all in the remmebrance of Allah. The hardships that befall you atone for your sins. Hear the words of Allah

So do not lose heart, and do not fall into despair; for you must gain mastery if you are true in faith. (3:139)

Dan janganlah kamu (merasa) lemah, dan jangan pula bersedih hati, sebab kamu paling tinggi (darjatnya), jika kamu orang beriman.

Till then.. :)

Ayam Adobo

Bahan-bahan:
1 ekor Ayam
1 cawan kicap
2 sudu sos tiram
1/2 biji bawang besar
3 biji bawang putih
1 inchi halia
Sedikit lada putih, lada hitam dan serbuk perasa.
Bay leaf (daun salam). * optional
5 tangkai cili kering *optional

Cara-caranya:
1. Rendam cili kering dengan air panas.

2. Tumis bawang besar, bawang putih dan halia hingga naik bau.
3. Masukkan kicap dan sos tiram, biar seketika.
4. Masukkan ayam dan gaul2 sedikit sehingga agak garing.
5. Masukkan lada putih, lada hitam, garam, dan serbuk perasa.
6. Tambah air untuk kuah, tunggu hingga mendidih, masukkan bay leaf dan cili kering yang digunting-gunting sebagai hiasan. Siap!!

Pengat keledek + pisang

Bahan-bahan:
3 biji keledek
4 biji pisang
1 cawan brown sugar/gula melaka
1/2 cawan biji sagu
1/2 cawan santan

Cara-caranya:
1. Rendam sagu.
2. Keledek dikupas kulitnya dan dipotong dadu. Rebus sehingga empuk.
3. Buang sedikit airnya.
4. Masukkan pisang yang dipotong bulat2, gula, dan sagu.
5. Tambah santan, tunggu hingga didih dan siap!!

Handsome man *cough!

Ikan masak stim

Bahan-bahan:
4 ekor ikan talapia
1/2 biji bawang besar
3 biji bawang putih
1 inch halia
1 inch lengkuas
1 batang serai
5 biji cili padi
sedikit daun sup
sos tiram

Cara-caranya:
1. Didihkan air dalam periuk.
2. Masukkan bawang besar, bawang putih, halia, cili padi, lengkuas dan serai.
3. Masukkan ikan sehingga ikan masak.
4. Campurkan sedikit sos tiram dan daun sup, garam, jus limau dan siap!!

My very first Tiramisu cake

Alahai, not very presentable lah.. whateverr..

Bahan-bahan.
Sebarang kek span
250ml whipping cream
200ml cream cheese
Cocoa powder
1/2 cawan gula halus

Cara-caranya.
1.  Bancuh 1 cawan nescafe, pastu minum untuk menghilangkan dahaga. haha.. no lah, jgn minum. Bancuh je tanpa gula k..
2. Mix gula, whipping cream, and cream cheese in a bowl and pukul sehingga fluffy.
2. Slice the cake into several layers.
3. Letak 1 layer ke dalam bekas.
4. Tuang nescafe ke kek itu.
5. Topping dgn adunan tadi. (This is the best part, wee....)
6. Ulang proses 4 & 5 sehingga habis.
7. Tutup bekas dan masukkan dalam peti ais.
8. Tunggu suami pulang, n makan sama2. haha.. jgn lupa decorate dgn serbuk koko sebelum dihidang. You should try this.. kekeke..

Soto Ayam

Bahan-bahan:
1 ekor ayam
3 biji bawang merah
3 biji bawang putih
1 btg serai
1 inchi halia, kunyit dan lengkuas
1 sudu jintan halus, ketumbar dan lada putih yg dikisar.
1/4 cawan santan. (optional)
Bunga lawang, kayu manis
Meehoon / nasi himpit

Aksesori:
Taugeh
Kacang goreng
Daun sup
Bawang goreng
Begedil (daging/ayam kisar)
Sambal kicap


Cara-caranya:
1. Kisar bawang merah, bawang putih, halia dan kunyit.
2. Tumis kayu manis, bunga lawang, serai, dan lengkuas yg dititik.
3. Tumis bahan yg dikisar sehingga naik bau.
4. Masukkan jintan halus, ketumbar dan lada putih.
5. Masukkan ayam, tutup periuk dan biar hingga ayam masak.
6. Tambah santan dan air sehingga mendidih, masukkan garam secukup rasa dan siap!!

Begedil daging cincang

Lupe nk amik gambo, tinggal 4 je yang x cantik, yang cantik sume dh kena ngap!

Assalammualaikum, last weekenf I buat Begedil. Tentunya nak matchingkan ngn menu utama, iaitu mee soto. This is one of the dishes I rarely made, almaklumla masak bila hujung minggu je sbb during weekdays I makan hasil tangan Mr Din. Ahaks.. Tapi yang lecehnya, setiap kali nak buat tiap kali tu la duk dpn laptop, search resipi kat Google. sebab.. lupa.. hehe. Buang masa kan. Masalahnya, yang melambatkan lg, I akan refer to several recipes and modify, add a little bit there, cut a little bit here mengikut kepala otak sendiri. wakaka... That is why this time I recorded in this blog for future reference. Ok.. let's check it out..

Bahan-bahan:
6-7 biji kentang.
1 cawan daging cincang
3 biji Bawang merah & 3 putih
3 batang daun sup
Bread crumbs
Lada sulah & Lada hitam
Bawang goreng


Cara-caranya:
1. Kupas kentang, potong 4, dan rebus sehingga empuk.
2. Tumis bawang merah, bawang putih, dan goreng daging cincang sehingga masak. Tambah sedikit lada hitam, lada sulah dan garam.
3. Lenyek kentang yang direbus tadi dan dibiarkan sejuk.
4. Campurkan daging cincang, bawang goreng, daun sup ke dalam kentang lenyek td. Tambah garam, sedikit lada sulah dan gaulkan sebati.
5. Bentuk dan kepal-kepalkan.
6. Untuk menggoreng, salut dengan telur dan bread crumbs.

Nota.
1. Ada juga orang yang goreng kentang tu instead of rebus. I prefer rebus more because tak mau banyak minyak. Nanti last step pun  kena goreng gak. Kolestrol tau..
2. Since bawang goreng ready made xde dijual di Columbia ni, so kenala buat sendiri. I guna 3 biji bawang besar, dipotong nipis + garam + tepung gandum dan digoreng dgn api perlahan. Buat lebih sikit utk dekorasi mee soto sekali. Berjanggut juga nk tunggu bawang goreng ni siap,  dan kena selalu kena tengok dan kacau sikit-sikit takut terhangus. Hasilnya, mabeles n rangup! Berbaloi berdiri lama2 kt dapur. (Adeh, krem kakiku..)
3. Menggoreng begedil adalah part yang paling mencabar sekali. Kalau x yeye boleh hancur n pecah jadinya, sebabnya sebelum ni pun dah banyak kali fail.sad, huhu.. tapi trick kali ini, I salut dgn bread crumbs, ia seolah-olah  menjadi lapisan luar yang kukuh. Dan lagi satu pastikan minyak betul2 panas semasa menggoreng.

Alhamdulillah.. sedap.. hehe..
Ok, till then. Peringatan utk diri sendiri: Rajin-rajinlah ke dapur n upgrade skill memasak. kikiki..

What are you feeling?

Suddenly, I feel down. I had been swept away by the tide of egoism in Facebook. It happened when you love to be seen, recognized, praised and adored. Needless to say, in Facebook, every word, picture, or thought you have can be seen, praised, and 'liked'. Often, when I read someone's status in facebook, I feel that they want to show off their cell phones, cars, clothes, house, achievemeent, money and so on. Everyone becomes materialistic.

But, in reality I do the same thing. (Ashamed of myself!) Suddenly, I live every experience, every photo, every thought, as if it's being watched, because in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "I'll put it on Facebook." Show off your achievement is no good, show off your wealth is not wise. My iman is always up and down. Even, when you tell the truth, other people will misintepret it and say you are showing off.. By telling the whole world that I got that and that, or I went to that place and that place.. are annoying..

I realized this after one of my friend told me. It's killing me but it's good for my deen, In shaa Allah..  as to remind me the goal of our existence, is to realize the truth of Allah's greatness. The goal is to take myself out of the center and put Him there instead.  But Facebook perpetuates the illusion of the exact opposite.

أستغفر الله (astaghfirullah). I ask Allah forgiveness.

I'm officially a Phd candidate.

Hello blogosphere, it has been a long time I did not update this blog. Yeah.. finally, I had passed my Quals exam, Alhamdulillah... It's such a great relief. I am very thankful to Allah, my supportive hubby and my lovely daughter who kept saying "Ameen" to the doa I taught her. "Ya Allah, luluskanlah mama dalam QE". I know she do not understand what's going on, but it was a very beautiful feeling. Now, my Phd path more clearer. Next August, I'll be taking another huge exam i.e. Comprehensive Exam.

I thougt after finished my Quals I got plenty of leisure times but it's not. Whether you are in first semester or fourth semester the load is still the same. For me, I need always struggle, not to mention that I continue doing my work during weekend. Argghhh..

The most stressful exam

Salam to all my dearie family members and friends. May all of you be showered with abundant blessing, happiness, and love. Amin Ya Rabb..

Last August, I had the most stressful exam in my entire life which was PhD Qualifying Exam (Quals). If you haven't gone through this, you have absolutely no idea how difficult it really is. That is the reason most people from abroad avoid to pursue their PhD degree in USA. They prefer UK or Australia because there were no exams to be taken. All you have to do is just focus on your project/ thesis/ research directly and you're done.

Unfortunately, I failed my Qualifying exam. People, I tell you.... it was TOUGH.  I felt like the most stupid, idiotic, worthless piece of crap. EVER. I was devastated. I cried, I felt like I did not want to show my face around my classmates and professors. I was a failure and that's all they would remember about me. Utter failure. I hid this bad news from my family and friends in Malaysia (sorry mak.. I lied to you). I was so embarrassed and stressed.

I realized that there were things, knowledge I lacked. Specifically the parts of constructing ideas in order to prove a statement/lemma/theorem and analyzing a problem scientifically,  such as in terms of rate of convergence and approximation. I don't have these skills. It's like when you play a jigsaw puzzle. You need to know the color and design for each pieces and be able to put all of these different pieces of the puzzle together. The problem is, sometimes, some pieces went missing, so in the end you can't finish the game.

I guess, undergrad program is supposed to prepare you for that. Because, all students from China did very well, as they learned all about that during their undergrad. I can honestly say that I went through my undergrad experience without paying attention to that. All I was focused on was getting the highest grade possible. I could go around blaming people for the things I didn't learn in undergrad, or how it seems like the system failed to prepare me for grad school in USA. Ultimately, situations like failing your quals bring you back to the reality that you are in GRAD SCHOOL. You are here because you have the capacity to teach yourself, and then apply those concept to help solve world problems (I hope).

I had a chance to repeat the paper. Sadly I had to face another five months in stress to make sure I pass. At the same time, I had to enroll three subjects for fall semester. It's not easy. I split my time into two; studied for the current subjects during the day (assignments, homework, test, etc.) and prepared for Quals at nights. I did this constantly everyday, almost nonstop. The worst part was I didn't spend too much time with my kid and husband. But, Alhamdulillah..  Allah is the Greatest!  I got 100% on the second test of "Approximation Theory" and GPA 4.00 for this semester. Indeed, success can only come from Allah.

But, these are invaluable if you fail your Quals. I kept my head down focusing on Quals days and nights. It was the hardest, most insufferable thing I've ever had to do. I have to hold my breath for three weeks which means I get to spend the whole winter break dreading sleep for fear of having to worry about the future as I lay there. I've always had rather serious physical manifestations of stress and this exhausting, three-week marathon of self-doubt and worry really tooks its toll. I'm beat. 

Last week, I took the paper for the second time. There were four subjects to be tested and they  were divided into two big major subjects. One is Analysis and the other is Computational Mathematics.To pass this exam, I have to earn 70% and above and they will take into account for numbers of questions that I can  fully answered. If I pass, I'm officially a doctoral candidate. If I fail, I bow out with a Masters of Applied and Computational Mathematics. But, I've already have my Master. I don't need double Master.

Now, I'm nervous and freaking out!! The only thing I need to do is doa, tawakal. Leave the rest to Allah because He knows everything. Whatever the result is, I make doa to Allah so that I can accept it with happiness.

So people out there, especially for those who want to pursue your PhD in USA, do not feel discouraged by my story. Perhaps you could do better than me. My advice, be ready organizationally, mentally and physically and you'll be in good state. In Shaa Allah.

Till then.